all the time I feel like I'm distracting myself
from the great beyond
like i'm playing up to the fact
that i'll live forever
I'm still scared about everything,
I still don't want to lose
everyone I care about
I guess I still don't see the point.
the question is will I ever be prepared?
Will I ever be ready to accept
what I cannot possibly deny
will it ever stop hurting?
Friday, 7 November 2008
Thursday, 18 September 2008
My Home; An Open Letter
I wrote this at work a couple weeks ago; I had enough of British people and particularly at my home so I started to write. This of course aroused the interest of most of my colleagues as if they'd never seen a person writing before. I kinda feel it sounds like the opening to a novel (I feel my influences for this are Dickens' "The Key Note" and Orwell's "1984") but there is no story to accompany it; there probably never will be. SO, this now, I feel, is an open letter to the place I spent my first 20 years (just about) of existence living, just as I'm leaving to go to Uni in Glasgow (another reason why I ended up typing this up here; I wanted proof that I had done it.) I never name the place in question, but I feel its probably pretty obvious.
By the way, for my next project I want to look at the entire subject of "Middle England" and the "Midlands" and its loss of identity.
There is a town to the east that is well known. It is known as a place near our capital. It is considered by many as a novelty; a cheap 'n' cheerful holiday destination. It's understandable to see why; it is remote and unspoilt. There are no major roads imposing themselves, and it is a country of which there are fields stretching for miles in the West, woodland that is stunning in the Winter to the South, a whole system of rivers and canals and broads in the East and, if you go to the North, there are beaches, some of stone and some of sand.
Its easy to forget, as an outsider, that people and work here as well; and not just in tourism. It is, like the South-West peninsula or the far North, similar to those countries on the Mediterranean that people filter, spoil, and eventually, change.
But what of the people? What do these people think and feel given they've chosen a life of isolated calm; like a hermit on a deserted island.
Well, they're often looked down upon by the big cities: as I said before, they are considered, a novelty. The Unfortunate thing is, these people very rarely have an argument to respond with, not a leg to stand on, and the problem I face as a resident of this place is, what am I supposed to feel? Pride? Shame? Both?
Of course, I'm not the first young person on Earth to feel detached and alienated by their home. The Trouble, I suppose, is that the problem still exists. But maybe, it's not a problem. I read something the other day that asked the question; "Why do the best artists (be it in art, music, or any other expressive mediums) come from shitty small towns?". I may be wrong, but it seems to me that the answer is pretty simple. When you've grown up feeling dissatisfied with the surroundings you're supposed to be happy in, it means you begin questioning "Why?" at an early age. It is people like this I sympathise with the most. Yeah, in the big cities, the people who were dissatisfied with their homes go to 'find themselves' and each other. If you come from a big city and can afford the luxuries that constantly brings, you instantly get used to it and see it as a standard of living. This is why they look down upon those who are not, and they are better because they are. But that doesn't make it O.K. This, is what has replaced Classism. On the flipside, those who have accepted a life of mediocrity are often scared or intimidated by those who haven't. This is a major baseline of thinking in the U.K.
In the towns, particuarly the remote ones, people think their choice is the right one (just like those in the big cities) as there is no obvious threat or even at times cultural differences/diversity which leaves people unchallenged and obsessed with themselves and bitter over trivial matters.
Pretty much everyone at home is middle class. There are groups who are worse off and there are groups who are better, but everyone is fundamentally the same (and aspire to be at least one lever higher despite it never actually coming). As well as this, everyone is of average appearance; the rich people are also the pretty people, the poor people are also the ugly, but as the majority are in the middle, they are physically too. This adds to the mediocrity.
The attitudes are pretty consistent too. In some of the outer reaches of the town, into the countryside it was not uncommon for people in this region to be compared to those in the deep south of America. Not many are actually racist or homophobic or sexist (although some are all of those things) but there are some stunningly ignorant views passed down from generation to generation. The extremities of these views tend to vary depending on what part of the country you are in, but they exist. Again, this mostly goes unchallenged because, like most of the country, it is white with the exception of that, here, it is a literal white-wash blanket. The small minority of afro, chinese, indian, pakistani and persians (mostly turkish) there are live an equally quiet life and joing the system in place, reletively unharmed: This is ignorance, not racism.
The town is of no particular religious or political persuasion either; this is the amazing extent of apathy in this place. there are many chruches; one for every sunday in the year, but people go less and less. Before World War II this part of the country was predominately protistent, christian. But, like many parts of the country, the acts of war and new technology took people away from religion, leaving only the older generation and anyone else to be ostracised for their beliefs and upbringing. The trouble though is that there hasn't been a definable consensus since; a lot of the people have ignorant ideas of what people with faith means, but haven't much to answer for themselves.
Politically, there is no clear winner either. Of the small amount who do vote, each party have an equal say. You could argue that this is a clever political statement by these as it shows that. really, every political party is exactly the same and are untrustworthy. But really, they just don't care. The rich vote blue, the workers vote red, the fair weathered vote yellow and, strangely, a bunch of self-imposed "Eco-warriors" vote green. Even more worryingly is that they are in joint power over the country, which says a lot about a place if a nonsensical, unrealistic political party is in power.
By the way, for my next project I want to look at the entire subject of "Middle England" and the "Midlands" and its loss of identity.
There is a town to the east that is well known. It is known as a place near our capital. It is considered by many as a novelty; a cheap 'n' cheerful holiday destination. It's understandable to see why; it is remote and unspoilt. There are no major roads imposing themselves, and it is a country of which there are fields stretching for miles in the West, woodland that is stunning in the Winter to the South, a whole system of rivers and canals and broads in the East and, if you go to the North, there are beaches, some of stone and some of sand.
Its easy to forget, as an outsider, that people and work here as well; and not just in tourism. It is, like the South-West peninsula or the far North, similar to those countries on the Mediterranean that people filter, spoil, and eventually, change.
But what of the people? What do these people think and feel given they've chosen a life of isolated calm; like a hermit on a deserted island.
Well, they're often looked down upon by the big cities: as I said before, they are considered, a novelty. The Unfortunate thing is, these people very rarely have an argument to respond with, not a leg to stand on, and the problem I face as a resident of this place is, what am I supposed to feel? Pride? Shame? Both?
Of course, I'm not the first young person on Earth to feel detached and alienated by their home. The Trouble, I suppose, is that the problem still exists. But maybe, it's not a problem. I read something the other day that asked the question; "Why do the best artists (be it in art, music, or any other expressive mediums) come from shitty small towns?". I may be wrong, but it seems to me that the answer is pretty simple. When you've grown up feeling dissatisfied with the surroundings you're supposed to be happy in, it means you begin questioning "Why?" at an early age. It is people like this I sympathise with the most. Yeah, in the big cities, the people who were dissatisfied with their homes go to 'find themselves' and each other. If you come from a big city and can afford the luxuries that constantly brings, you instantly get used to it and see it as a standard of living. This is why they look down upon those who are not, and they are better because they are. But that doesn't make it O.K. This, is what has replaced Classism. On the flipside, those who have accepted a life of mediocrity are often scared or intimidated by those who haven't. This is a major baseline of thinking in the U.K.
In the towns, particuarly the remote ones, people think their choice is the right one (just like those in the big cities) as there is no obvious threat or even at times cultural differences/diversity which leaves people unchallenged and obsessed with themselves and bitter over trivial matters.
Pretty much everyone at home is middle class. There are groups who are worse off and there are groups who are better, but everyone is fundamentally the same (and aspire to be at least one lever higher despite it never actually coming). As well as this, everyone is of average appearance; the rich people are also the pretty people, the poor people are also the ugly, but as the majority are in the middle, they are physically too. This adds to the mediocrity.
The attitudes are pretty consistent too. In some of the outer reaches of the town, into the countryside it was not uncommon for people in this region to be compared to those in the deep south of America. Not many are actually racist or homophobic or sexist (although some are all of those things) but there are some stunningly ignorant views passed down from generation to generation. The extremities of these views tend to vary depending on what part of the country you are in, but they exist. Again, this mostly goes unchallenged because, like most of the country, it is white with the exception of that, here, it is a literal white-wash blanket. The small minority of afro, chinese, indian, pakistani and persians (mostly turkish) there are live an equally quiet life and joing the system in place, reletively unharmed: This is ignorance, not racism.
The town is of no particular religious or political persuasion either; this is the amazing extent of apathy in this place. there are many chruches; one for every sunday in the year, but people go less and less. Before World War II this part of the country was predominately protistent, christian. But, like many parts of the country, the acts of war and new technology took people away from religion, leaving only the older generation and anyone else to be ostracised for their beliefs and upbringing. The trouble though is that there hasn't been a definable consensus since; a lot of the people have ignorant ideas of what people with faith means, but haven't much to answer for themselves.
Politically, there is no clear winner either. Of the small amount who do vote, each party have an equal say. You could argue that this is a clever political statement by these as it shows that. really, every political party is exactly the same and are untrustworthy. But really, they just don't care. The rich vote blue, the workers vote red, the fair weathered vote yellow and, strangely, a bunch of self-imposed "Eco-warriors" vote green. Even more worryingly is that they are in joint power over the country, which says a lot about a place if a nonsensical, unrealistic political party is in power.
Thursday, 4 September 2008
Untitled
I can feel the youth fleeting
from my lungs and from my eyes
I can feel all the pressure of everything
I've ever done.
I can feel the age settling in and
when you're not around I can't help
but let it scare me.
So when all is said and done and
all those people I cared about
have gone and its just you and me left
I hope you'll hold my hand
cuz I don't feel I'm strong enough.
I hate this house when I'm alone,
all the laughter and air is gone.
It's just me and my head
and we're pretending everything O.K.
But really its an argument.
Do I expect to much of you to care?
Is it harsh when I'm disappointed?
What if every choice I make means nothing,
what if everything I've said will lead nowhere.
Four years is a long, long time when
you're in a dark place.
I guess this means I miss you
and everyone.
And the creeping emptiness that tries
to eat me whole.
I have to push it away with lies when
I don't know the answer.
One day I'll be regarded a poet,
I hope I can keep it together until then.
from my lungs and from my eyes
I can feel all the pressure of everything
I've ever done.
I can feel the age settling in and
when you're not around I can't help
but let it scare me.
So when all is said and done and
all those people I cared about
have gone and its just you and me left
I hope you'll hold my hand
cuz I don't feel I'm strong enough.
I hate this house when I'm alone,
all the laughter and air is gone.
It's just me and my head
and we're pretending everything O.K.
But really its an argument.
Do I expect to much of you to care?
Is it harsh when I'm disappointed?
What if every choice I make means nothing,
what if everything I've said will lead nowhere.
Four years is a long, long time when
you're in a dark place.
I guess this means I miss you
and everyone.
And the creeping emptiness that tries
to eat me whole.
I have to push it away with lies when
I don't know the answer.
One day I'll be regarded a poet,
I hope I can keep it together until then.
Monday, 1 September 2008
Family Guy's best episodes
Is it me or do they seem to come in clusters?
in Season one, the first, second and fourth episodes (Death has a Shadow, I never met the Dead Man & Mind Over Murder, respectively) are all amazing works.
and then there's the end of season 2 which has some total jems:
Fifteen Minutes of Shame
Road to Rhode Island
Let's go to the Hop
Dammit Janet!
There's Something about Paulie
He's too Sexy for his fat
E. Peterbus Unum
The Story on Page One
Wasted Talent
Season 3 is less consistent but still follows the same rule in that, the first three episodes (The Brian leaves episodes and Mr. Griffin goes to Washington) are all brilliant pieces and then towards the end theres another trio;
To Love and Die Dixie
Screwed the Pooch
and
Peter Griffin: Husband, Father... Brother?
This said, series 4 and 5 are nearly all really excellent episodes and show a family guy that although more gag based was also a lot more sure of what it wanted to; and took advantage of that brilliantly.
Honestly, I was a little disappointed by Season 6, none of the episodes or gags were really that special.
in Season one, the first, second and fourth episodes (Death has a Shadow, I never met the Dead Man & Mind Over Murder, respectively) are all amazing works.
and then there's the end of season 2 which has some total jems:
Fifteen Minutes of Shame
Road to Rhode Island
Let's go to the Hop
Dammit Janet!
There's Something about Paulie
He's too Sexy for his fat
E. Peterbus Unum
The Story on Page One
Wasted Talent
Season 3 is less consistent but still follows the same rule in that, the first three episodes (The Brian leaves episodes and Mr. Griffin goes to Washington) are all brilliant pieces and then towards the end theres another trio;
To Love and Die Dixie
Screwed the Pooch
and
Peter Griffin: Husband, Father... Brother?
This said, series 4 and 5 are nearly all really excellent episodes and show a family guy that although more gag based was also a lot more sure of what it wanted to; and took advantage of that brilliantly.
Honestly, I was a little disappointed by Season 6, none of the episodes or gags were really that special.
Monday, 25 August 2008
Reading Festival 2008: Friday - "Band Implosions, returns and dissapointments"
So after arriving on the wednesday night and having a full day of hang on thursday, it was pretty good to see some actual bands play by the time of friday; despite probably being the weakest of the three.
It was with great sadness but also some pride to see the final blow to Be Your Own PET on the Friday. We already knew that it was all over for them after these shows and what emerged was a sarcastic and bitter band whom were clearly frustrated and hence the break up. It was a messy set and they didn't really seem to care but when you're a punk band at times that can be brilliant; 'Bicycle', 'Damn Damn Leash', ' Bunk Skunk Trunk'. Really it was quite sad to see them go out like this, I only hope their real final show in London (and liverpool last night) is better. For me though, all it proved was that people never got what was once one of our most hyped and loved band of nashville teenagers.
Biffy played 'Puzzle', and MGMT and Vampire Weekend I gave a wide birth after seeing their pleasing but crowded sets at T in the Park a month earlier so it was upto Queens of the Stone Age to save the day and, to the wonderful sunburnt sky, did with aplomb. A fantastically varied and interesting set which saw at least one song from every album and the abilty to just rock out. Josh Homme still has one of the best voives in the business; and he proved that with a wonderfully stripped down version of 'Go With the Flow' as an opener. What followed was a huge sound (if you were standing in one of the few bits of field where it sounded good) and some excellent jams including 'Millionaire', 'A Song for the Dead' and a 'Regular John/Sick Sick Sick' medley. awesome.
I wish I could say the same for Rage. This was my second attempt at seeing the band that changed a lot for me years ago and still I just couldn't get into it. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, I mean, there wasn't really anything wrong with the set as such as it was still tight and very loud, but for me there was something very flat about it. I guess I didn't believe in the passion they were trying to put across - the show felt kinda forced to me, let alone the bizarre entrance which just seemed like bad taste to me. That and they pretty much only played songs from the self titled album and 'The Battle of LA' - the two albums I consider to be the worst and most overplayed and overhyped - and thus barring a pretty good version of 'Ashes in the Fall' it just didn;t do anything for me. In the end I gave up and saw the end of Less than Jake who were pretty excellent; 'Gainsville Rock City' probably being a festival highlight.
Number of known Nirvana covers: 1; Pennywise - Territorial Pissings
Number of Johnny Marr sightings: none.
Hours awake: 21.
It was with great sadness but also some pride to see the final blow to Be Your Own PET on the Friday. We already knew that it was all over for them after these shows and what emerged was a sarcastic and bitter band whom were clearly frustrated and hence the break up. It was a messy set and they didn't really seem to care but when you're a punk band at times that can be brilliant; 'Bicycle', 'Damn Damn Leash', ' Bunk Skunk Trunk'. Really it was quite sad to see them go out like this, I only hope their real final show in London (and liverpool last night) is better. For me though, all it proved was that people never got what was once one of our most hyped and loved band of nashville teenagers.
Biffy played 'Puzzle', and MGMT and Vampire Weekend I gave a wide birth after seeing their pleasing but crowded sets at T in the Park a month earlier so it was upto Queens of the Stone Age to save the day and, to the wonderful sunburnt sky, did with aplomb. A fantastically varied and interesting set which saw at least one song from every album and the abilty to just rock out. Josh Homme still has one of the best voives in the business; and he proved that with a wonderfully stripped down version of 'Go With the Flow' as an opener. What followed was a huge sound (if you were standing in one of the few bits of field where it sounded good) and some excellent jams including 'Millionaire', 'A Song for the Dead' and a 'Regular John/Sick Sick Sick' medley. awesome.
I wish I could say the same for Rage. This was my second attempt at seeing the band that changed a lot for me years ago and still I just couldn't get into it. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, I mean, there wasn't really anything wrong with the set as such as it was still tight and very loud, but for me there was something very flat about it. I guess I didn't believe in the passion they were trying to put across - the show felt kinda forced to me, let alone the bizarre entrance which just seemed like bad taste to me. That and they pretty much only played songs from the self titled album and 'The Battle of LA' - the two albums I consider to be the worst and most overplayed and overhyped - and thus barring a pretty good version of 'Ashes in the Fall' it just didn;t do anything for me. In the end I gave up and saw the end of Less than Jake who were pretty excellent; 'Gainsville Rock City' probably being a festival highlight.
Number of known Nirvana covers: 1; Pennywise - Territorial Pissings
Number of Johnny Marr sightings: none.
Hours awake: 21.
Friday, 1 August 2008
2008
British Sea Power - Do You Like Rock Music?
Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend
Meneguar - The In Hour
Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes
Earth - The Bees Made Honey in the Lion's Skull
A Silver Mount Zion - Thirteen Moons 13 blues
upcoming:
Deftones - Eros
Mogwai - The Hawk is Howling
Deerhunter - Microcastle
Rolo Tomassi - Hysterics
Okkervil River - The Stand Ins
FUCKED UP - THE CHEMISTRY OF COMMON LIFE (released on my birthday)
Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend
Meneguar - The In Hour
Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes
Earth - The Bees Made Honey in the Lion's Skull
A Silver Mount Zion - Thirteen Moons 13 blues
upcoming:
Deftones - Eros
Mogwai - The Hawk is Howling
Deerhunter - Microcastle
Rolo Tomassi - Hysterics
Okkervil River - The Stand Ins
FUCKED UP - THE CHEMISTRY OF COMMON LIFE (released on my birthday)
Thursday, 31 July 2008
albums
Calculating Infinity, Miss Machine, Hidden World, You Fail Me, No Heroes, f# a# oo, Yanqui U.X.O, Turn on the Bright Lights, Antics, Clarity, I Was Born at Night, Wonderful Rainbow, Madonna, Those Who Tell the Truth..., Amnesiac, Kid A, Spiderland, Boxer, Daydream Nation.
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